Whither University Education in 2012

The academic world faces a year of great change. Rises in tuition fees are going to have, I suspect, a cooling effect on the number of people wanting to study for a degree. . It’s going to be a dog eat dog world out there and only the most attractive universities are going to survive this educational bun fight.

What can be done? According to my various courses on marketing and advertising it would appear that the universities are going to have to become more customer orientated rather than product orientated. I.E. The desires of the punters (students) are about to rise to paramount importance.

So how does a university make itself more attractive to today’s modern young person? Well, based on my limited observations, I’d like to offer a few suggestions.

• Long weekends – I have noticed that many students enjoy having a good time. Partying, seeing boy/girl/goat friends. That kind of thing. Having to attend university on a Monday and/or a Friday can have a negative impact on these essential social activities. The solution?  It’s obvious, don’t timetable any academic activities on a Monday or a Friday and make sure this salient fact is prominently displayed on all marketing materials.
• Avoid mornings – I have noticed that 09:00 starts are as welcome as a dose of herpes. The punters, most of them, consider being required to rise any time before 11:00 as inhumane. I’d suggest that a forward looking, and client focused, university would do all in its power to ensure that no lecture or seminar be scheduled before the hallowed hour of 11:00. Possibly even later.
• Books – They cost money, they’re bulky, unfashionable and they need to be read. All of which makes any university willing to abandon the prehistoric book concept more attractive to the paying punters. Instead, e-Books should be used or, to be even more current and cool, single webpages with an entire semester’s worth of reading compressed into an easily understood and absorbed couple of hundred words. Let’s face it, any really complicated idea or concept can usually be condensed into a single sentence or paragraph – well, enough for the needs of the punters.
• Locations – Seminar rooms and lecture theatres can be, let’s be honest, unwelcoming and dreary places. They lack the comfort and facilities that a punter would expect. I suggest that universities remodel their rooms using bars, nightclubs and coffee shops as templates. Face it, if you have to turn up wouldn’t it be nicer to be able to enjoy the educational process while imbibing a delicious MochaFlocaBocaChino, pint of lager or cocktail? And think of the extra revenue streams for the university?
• Time – Why should a standard undergraduate degree take three years to complete? It’s utter madness in this age of instant gratification. So why not compress the entire course into a single year of academic effort? Gives the graduates a head start over those attending old fashioned universities that insist on sitting around on your arse for three years. Instead, you’d only have to sit around for one year!
• Assignments – You know what it’s like. An assignment is due, the clock is ticking and the pressure is building to underwear filling levels. Is that really how the punters want to spend their time at university? No, of course not. So how about a CRAP instead? CRAP standing for Continuous Regular Assignment Process. The punters will fill out an electronic form at the end of each week (Thursday) where they mark themselves and give a brief justification for that mark. Simple! No hassle. No endless documents to complete and no need for expensive tutors to waste their lives reading miles of drivel.
• Exams – Exams can be stressful. Trapped for hours in a drafty sports hall, forced to sit at archaic desks and scribble until fingers bleed. This kind of thing can put punters off. What to do? Instead of exams I propose the Personal Assessment Procedures (PAP) instead. The punter is encouraged to provide a written self-assessment of their abilities (it worked so well for mortgages) and a mark. We can, of course, trust the punters to be honest and accurate. Plus it will save a fortune in staff time as well.
• Promotions – You’ve seen them on TV and at the supermarket. BOGOF (Buy One Get One Free) and the like. Why not apply it to university education as well? Buy one BA and get an MA course thrown in for free? Guaranteed minimum marks (say a 2:2 even if you do no work and spend the course in bed). Perhaps a loyalty points card, for each unit completed the punter gets points towards a night out?

Speaking seriously for one moment, I think that the next year or three could see a dramatic drop in the number of universities in the UK. If demand falls then closures will follow close behind.